An old saying states that behind every successful man is a woman who helped him. In Fogarassy’s experience, behind every successful woman is a slew of people who tried to stop her.
The times they are a=changing, as Bob Dylan sang. But for every member of a current power minority, which includes white men who are not invested in a standing entitlement as a birthright, the times are changing at a snail’s pace.
Like everyone, Fogarassy was born into a given situation. Her mother supported the family and Fogarassy as the only daughter took up the domestic slack. Housework has been abhorrent ever since. Combined with a fierce need for independence, an intrinsic drive to write, a blunt demand for honesty and a vulnerable anticipation that needs would not be met, she has been blessed to met those with whom she could mutually learn to love and even with two marriages that taught the greatest of lessons about the painful acceptance of limitations on human yearning.
According to child psychiatrist Margaret Mahler, we all start off as newborns feeling we’re part of our mother. According to Mahler, it takes three years for the child to become a truly separate person, at which point society takes over.
The western industrialized world has made great strides in “empowering” women but to women who grew up empowered by circumstance, it is an enraging affront to be deemed in need of subsidies. That, however, is the current reality and is a rare blessing for a man and woman to meet on the grounds of that shared perspective.
Men today may share in childcare and housework, but society at large still considers them as heroic helpmates. The goal of men and women being equal qualifiers to being breadwinners is still far off. The painful path toward that goal lies in the age-old ritual of trial and error. Having tried and failed numerous times, Fogarassy plans to try again whenever opportunity arrives just as soon as she has recovered from the latest most devastating loss of the noble man willing to ascend the unreachable heights with her.